Reflections on my neighbors glory and a Haitian Christmas.

I'm rereading the Weight of Glory by C. S. Lewis and I always get stuck in the last paragraph of the first essay and really can't go on reading for a couple of days. C. S. Lewis speaks of the burden, or the weight of our neighbors glory. The potential Glory and infinity inside every human. That we are in a society of potential gods and goddesses, or potential horrors and nightmarish ghosts. There are no ordinary people.

How different my life would look if I really believed that! How differently would I treat my history assignments, or my younger brother.

It also brings to my attention the concept of a neighbor. Especially in this day and age, where we have access to so much information about people who suffer all around the world. At what point does someone live too far away for us to have a moral obligation to come to their aid? I'm not saying politically, we've already proven we don't do that very well even with the best of intentions. I mean personally. At what point does the sparrow fall too far away? My mom says she believes that to some degree, we who are privileged will be held responsible for the suffering of others when we get to heaven. Burdened for humanity.

That being said, my family is going Haitian this Christmas, which means that we're giving each other things that we already own, things that are important to us. Christmas will be spectacular.

Flags by Brooke Fraser

Some words just need to be shared....

You who mourn will be comforted
You who hunger will hunger no more
All the last shall be first
Of this I am sure

You who weep now will laugh again
All you lonely be lonely no more
Yes, the last will be first
Of this I'm sure

I don't know why the innocents fall
While the monsters stand
I don't know why the little ones thirst
But I know the last shall be first
I know the last shall be first
I know the last shall be first

Fall Break

I think I'm at the most beautiful place in the whole wide world. Right now the windows are open and my brother is playing guitar and singing in the next room. I don't know if he realizes he's soundtracking this moment. It's good to be home.

Jordy's room is designed to feel like you're outside and mine is designed to look like sunflowers. There are days when the outside leaks in and the inside leaks out and all the colors stream together.

The Caf: the College dining experience.

mallory's UM caf advice:

What to eat:

Chocolate milk and chocolate cookies. Probably the best idea ever.

The wraps and salads, excellent choice.

Anything with tomato sauce is generally okay.

Oh and the omelets are probably the most yummy thing at the caf. seriously. let's invest in some breakfast people. It's delish.

What to avoid at all costs:

nacho cheese. For some reason, these people think nacho cheese goes on baked potatoes. until someone shows them the light, steer clear of the unnaturally yellow stuff. It sneaks up in substances when you don't suspect it.

The "we threw everything we can't put in the nacho cheese into a dessert" bars. Little squares of strange graham cracker brownsugar vanilla cinnamon chocolate cheesecake nuts fruit potluck squares. Sometimes they taste good, sometimes they don't. Stick with the cookies.

ps. oh and the fries taste like Arby's fries, but the best thing to do is get a salad and a cookie and then steal your friends fries when she's not looking.

What I didn't expect about College

I didn't expect to have so much focus on me. Really, when i think about it. Homeschooling focuses on a close nit community. I forgot that being out here on my own would mean that most things i do revolve around me. I study, my classes, my songs, my monologue. I think it's driving me crazy. I'm starting to crave the moments when things become bigger than myself. Or when i'm with my brothers it's not about ME, it's about all of us.

I think I should get involved with an organization or something, something to make everything i do not be about my grades and future as an actor. The SELF-ness of theatre is draining.

I had a very long discussion with my buddy Jordan about the self-ness of college. And we started talking about our friend Christin. (she, by the way, has no idea i'm blogging about her)

If there's one person who isn't selfish at all, it's Christin. Everyone loves her. Everyone. You can't not love her. and Jordan and i think part of that is because she's not thinking about herself all the time. actually hardly ever is she thinking about herself. I mean, the girl prayed for me in acting class. I think I'd really like to be that way. (again, all of this is coming from the discussion me and Jordan had) I think maybe when you forget to be conscious of yourself, you also become alot less stressed about your schoolwork, about getting places on time. I mean, you get there, you make good grades, but you're not worried all the time. Your life doesn't revolve around yourself.

I'm still praying for that, trying to become the kind of person who can do the best possible and yet the whole time be so completely unaware of themselves.

Musical Theatre: I just got back from Callbacks

Theatre is such a tough thing. You know, history majors don't think that their ability to remember when Constantinople became Istanbul determines their worth as a human being. (1452)

However, the auditions for the musical theatre world are the great determining of our worth as a human being. we cry, we sweat, we don't eat, we stay up too late practicing. All for five minutes on a stage with someone casually yelling out "next!" in hope that he will stop and listen to what we have to say.

It's crazy, when you think about it. Yet we crave it. We absolutely love it beyond anything.

I'm glad callbacks are over. for a few days my life was at a standstill for these auditions.

The Merch Table and the Advent of the Lobby Guitarist: College Series

Last night, at freshman orientation (or Ucamp, as I've been calling it. Due to the nature of it's resemblance to summer camp rather than college life) Matt Wertz came and played a concert.

He was quite good. I was thoroughly impressed- and I'm fairly certain I speak for the student body when I say that we didn't expect it to be quite that spectacular.

After the show, there were HUGE lines to meet him. Everyone wanted to talk to him and shake his hand. Now, I have to admit in advance, I have this weird aversion to meet and greets and to merch tables. I'm also aware that I'm the only person in the world who wouldn't particularly have any desire to meet rockstars at shows. Call me crazy, I'll try to explain it.

After you've performed a good bit, and you understand the dynamics of what makes a great live show, you understand something:

What you have to say has no reflection on who's listening.

No, really. It doesn't. This i learned when I met my hero, Jon Foreman. An avid fan since the 5th grade, It had been my dream to meet him. And he was so nice and amazing and _add compliment here_ everything he should've been. But I walked away and I realized something. He would be doing that even if I'd never once listened to the music. He would be writing words that have made me cry and have made me change my mind. He would be going to Africa. His life, his words, he plays them for an audience but they're not really FOR us. They're sung because they need to be sung. Regardless.

And on a deeper level. When I sing, I sing for an audience, yes. But I sing because it frees me. Because it allows me to go places that words can't take me. Songs have shook the nations. Songs get at us without our permission.

And what is, IS. Beautiful music will not change when i meet the musician.

I also learned

Sometime's the beautiful music has nothing to do with the person, it just has to do with their God given talent

This is the reason boys date stupid pretty girls, and the reason abusive sadistic rockstars will always have people begging for them. We attribute raw talent or beauty to a person, when, to a certain degree, they were just made that way. A dangerous game, indeed. Sometimes we can be more profound through lyrics than we could ever be in life. I. E. just because someone can write a love song does not mean they know anything about love.

That being said, There is absolutely nothing wrong with meeting someone at a concert. I just wonder the reasoning behind it. There have been some rockstars that i've wanted to meet. I told Don Miller 'thank you' after he spoke and it felt really good. What are your thoughts on this? Do you need to meet rockstars after shows? Rockstars out there- what's it like on your end?