Tuesday, April 17, 2012

On writing papers and being Jordy's sister.

as i stare at a sheet of facts that i have copied with my careful handwriting, my little brother is writing songs downstairs.
They're good songs. Sometimes they're better than my papers.
Baroque- Movement that explored innovative compositions with intense images of LIght and Shadow.
I'm too young for this birthday/ not ready to start, calling myself 17.

The rules to great writing are very fussy now. I mean, they come from this long literary tradition and in order to have something to say it's supposed to sort of Remind everyone of Dostoyevsky or the Republic.
My little brother has to have such a knowledge of music theory that he makes jazz sound all like improv from the soul. freedom in knowledge, in joining the conversation. or joining the song.
There are some people who are brilliant. who have something to say that everyone wants to listen to. I think my little brother is one of those people. I think the people who grade my papers will one day get in their cars and listen to his music on the way home. Because it's on the way home music.
That used to make me very upset, when i started to realize my brothers genius. in the 8th grade i knew for the first time, and when i started trying to play guitar. it used to make me mad and hate myself and decide i was never going to be a musician. I would sit in my room and cry because when Jordy sings, the music comes from somewhere deep inside him and then gets lost in the universe, and everyone looks up from their conversations and wants to be IN it. not just listening to it, but IN it. and somehow everyone get's reminded of how they really feel about everything.

Renaissance- rebirth, laid the foundations for modern society.

It's different now- maybe I've stopped trying to be Jordy and started being proud of him. I think it happened when i read Socrates. when i realized there is something that i love more than music. Or maybe that for me, music is how i get to socrates. it's the vehicle, not the thing itself. And most people will not read my papers and poetry and blogs. and if my brother becomes a rockstar, I'll be Jordy Searcy's sister. And that's a good thing. Maybe I'll be teaching a class one day and someone will learn something from me. And that's like writing a song. In its own way. For me, to be in conversation about important things is to be a songwriter. It is to join in the great song.

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