Thursday, December 15, 2011

Ecclesiasties and Socrates

Meaningless. Meaningless

Everything is meaningless

Like chasing the wind

In the futility of life

(I have found)


Waste and void.


We serve the light

The light which is meaning

Which gives us light

All is lost



Serve the light

For your life is nothing, dust that dances

Serve the light.

The Gadfly in the street-




I will not stop

I will not stop telling you-


Vain and profitless seem to me

the uses of this


There is nothing but


Sunday, December 4, 2011

coffee Jesus

your Jesus is very kind
i went and sat inside his walls today
and sang
"O Come 0 Come Emanuel, and randsom captive Israel"
and called upon a God of muffins
and coffee and tea
to refill my cup, if you please
I like this Jesus, he's nice to me.

On the way home i passed a place
with no windows
and began to wonder
if Jesus like's coffee after all
and if he can creep in the dark
through broken cubicles
without spilling his tea
to share muffins with eyes
that glaze over with numb resignation
to pain
if perhaps there is really
any meaning
to "randsom captive Israel"
i wonder what we really mean
and if we are familiar with a Jesus greater than tea.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

a note on bravery, while i watch Lord of the Rings.

The concept of bravery is rather fascinating to me. It's a necessary element to any good story, we would detest a story without it. And yet it seems that in real life beyond the movies we watch, we avoid it at all costs. Bravery, as far as i understand it, is to do the right thing in the face of adversity.
If i'm honest, part of the reason i am fascinated with the concept is that i have been told throughout my whole life that i am a brave person. I think it is a misconception. I think I am adventurous. Why do we confuse the two? Is it possible that it is far less brave to travel the world than it is to wake up at 5:30 in the morning praising God? What does that mean about me?
Is it possible that I am designed for adventure, that part of whatever it is that was made in me since the beginning of time yearns to (as Dr. Mashburn calls it) get out and 'see other caves'? and is it possible that my desire to know is not bravery. that bravery for me means quietly and consistently doing the right thing.
Love is patient.
Love is kind.

how easy would it be if it read "love is adventurous" or maybe "love is thrilling"? But to be patient, to be kind- that is brave. It is brave to remain silent when we want to speak. To do every assignment in school thoroughly even when i don't agree with it and the teacher makes me angry. To not speed on the bayway when i am late for school. That is bravery.
It is much easier to go to Oxford this summer than it is to do those sorts of things.

love is patient.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Awakening my old love of poetry

I used to know a lot
before I read much
I used to write fine poetry
epic, lots of fighting
battle wounds and crying.
now I just write about
my dog who needs her nails cut
and how I eat two eggs each morning
pretending I am British
as I drink my tea.
I used to know a lot before I read things.
I watch the news in dread
Numbly wondering who else is dead
I used to talk before.
and watch commercials.
Now i sit at the window
and notice that there are
so many flowers nobody picks.
we should pick them, you and I.
If a thousand soldiers die.
Today a million children starve.
I need us to pick the flowers
before the petals fall
I don't know why- it's just important.
that's all.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Christians? we don't need no stinkin Christians!

I've had this concept bouncing around in my head for a very long time now, and I read the first chapter of Hipster Christianity and was finally inspired to type this up.
The concept is this: I like church, and I like calling myself a Christian.
After reading trendy church literature like Rob Bell, Don Miller and countless others I couldn't help but noticing this theme. We don't like to be called Christians. Even my favorite band Switchfoot said they weren't specifically a "christian" band because they wanted to reach everyone, even though their music is about God and they're all believers. There are even books (good books- i have read) like They like Jesus but not the church. Which, as you can guess, is about a cultural acceptance of Jesus and denial of his Bride, the church, or his followers CHRIST-ians.
Here's their argument: Many people know have had terrible experiences with the "church" or maybe have been abused (that's a FAVORITE example of all these writers) by someone who is a Christian. They may see Jesus as directly associated with this mistreatment and wont have anything to do with it. So if we say, rather, that we are "followers of Jesus" rather than the dreaded, hated Christian, well then problem solved. they will want to be Jesus followers too. We will win some for the kingdom and appear more trendy by throwing off that old legalistic term "Christian" and say "Man, I just follow Jesus." We don't even have to go to Church, we can go to "gatherings" where we drink starbucks and discuss the sermon on the mount.

But here's the real fear:
The fear is a culture that hates Christianity. The fear is that people won't like us, people will get angry at us, people will laugh at us. That if we claim to be Christians we have to live up to this standard that is Christ that we will continually fall short of. The scary thing is that if you say you're a Christian than even the worst skeptics expect you to live like Christ.
And worse- if you go to Church you encounter YOUR NEIGHBOR. that frightening creature who smells and sings much too loud on the songs he knows and talks about only the most boring subjects. You'll have to deal with people who are mean, vengeful, hurtful and not very trendy. it's not easy. It's not easy at all.
The worst part is, Jesus warned us about this. He tells us we will be despised and rejected for him, and asks us to live in harmony with one another, which we know means there was already disputes in the early church.
It is very true: people don't like Christians. It is much safer to say you are a "Jesus follower" and therefore somehow excused from the pressures of what it might mean to carry on the legacy (with all it's future glory and also all of it's meaningless depravity) of being a Christian as there have been Christians for 2,000 years. It is difficult to wake up on Sunday Morning and dress nice and go sit next to people that you may not like but are commanded to love. It is indeed, very difficult to be a Christian.
But I am not afraid to bear the name.

Sunday, September 11, 2011


Check it

Friday, August 26, 2011

Workstudy in the computer lab.. reflections on commuting

It isn't that i hate commuting, i just hate not being where the people are. In the morning it's nice, because i can be as loud as i want in my car and i won't bother anyone. At night though i just want to call every single person i know and talk to them. Last night i drove around the circle (our whole campus can fit itself around this giant one-way circle) 3 times just looking for people to say hey to, and then i did see people but they were in a big group talking and laughing and i pictured myself awkwardly pulling up my car trying to get in on the joke and... decided against it. I called Christian and Jordan and looked through my text messages trying to weigh in my mind who would be annoyed or think i was clingy if i called them. I just really love people. i would want to hang out even if i hadn't slept or eaten for 5 days. I could live on air and conversation.
So that's what stinks about commuting.
What's nice about it are the two boiled eggs and cup of tea i have for breakfast every morning, and the fact that when i have to perform a song in a day i can ask my dad to play the melody line and then listen to the recording of it on my phone for an hour before i have to show my face in pubic. I am also forced to practice piano because now i live in a house of piano players. including my 12 year old brother who's better at piano than i am. Stinkin Searcy.
I don't know why i wrote this blog entry, except it has helped me procrastinate and ramble about commuting.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

the million dollar idea.

two things i know about myself

1. i don't do things halfway
2. i am a wimp

So I've been convicted about the money i waste. I just paid off my first student loan and lately i've just had such a heart for being a wise steward of my finances. In light of this, i realized how much money i waste on clothes.
So i've decided i want to do something drastic (see point 1.)
but there's the other half, which means i might chicken out (see point 2.)
so i've devised a plan.
perhaps if i PUBLISH my plan on my blog, i will feel obligated to go through with it even when it gets rough.
okay are you ready for the plan?
here goes.

I will not buy clothes during this entire school year.

alright, here goes nothing but a whole lot of saving and a whole lot of fun.


Tuesday, August 16, 2011

a little diddy

Mally Renee
has lots to say
but where to begin
the mouth, or the pen?

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Slumber - needtobreathe

Days; they force you back under those covers,
lazy mornings; they multiply,
glory's waiting outside your windows.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

Tongues are violent, personal and focused,
tough to be with your steady mind,
hearts are stronger after broken.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

All these victims stand in line for,
crumbs that fall from the table just enough to get by,
all the while your invitation.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

Take from vandals all you want now,
please don't trade it in for life,
replaced your feeble with the fable.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

All these victims stand in line for,
crumbs that fall from the table just enough to get by,
all the while your invitation.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

Sing like we used to,
dance when you want to,
taste for the breakthrough open wide.

All these victims stand in line for,
crumbs that fall from the table just enough to get by,
all the while your invitation.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Karate Practice: a lesson in listening.

this summer many people have expressed their frustration getting kids to listen, to pay attention. As a Children's Director at my church, countless times teachers have seemed daunted by the sea of children who do not care for what they're saying. At least with adults, when they don't listen to sermons they turn inwards and day dream. you KNOW when a kid isn't giving you the time of day.
You see the blank expressions from the 7 year olds, the 4th grade boys snickering. you stand there scared to death. How do I make them listen?

And it's simple really, you must listen to them. So many times we've succumbed to the belief that children should be made to pay attention to us. But Children are like adults- if there's no relationship, they aren't going to pay attention. They need to believe that you are FOR them. So many times we talk down to children, belittle their triumphs and failures. We must appreciate the value that they see in situations. A hurt finger is very much a crisis. Your bandaid is not merely to make them stop crying, it is to show them that you are a source of COMFORT. You are safe. Likewise, when they want to tell you a story about their cat, you need to hear the story. They will not care for you if from the outset you have not taken them seriously. Children do not like to be made to feel that they are inadequate because you are capable of things they are not. So many time we think we can talk over their heads when they're in the room, or pat their face and say 'isn't she just the smartest little thing?"
there is danger in not seeing the hopes and a dreams of a child as being of the utmost importance.
It is from that platform that i would present the gospel to Children. Not with rote facts for them to memorize and understand when they're older- but with language and understanding that says "you are greatly loved by your creator, and you are capable of receiving that."

Last night a group of my friends were eating ice cream at a little place downtown and beside us was a little girl there with her family. Very seriously she practiced her Karate steps a few feet away from us, making that we were paying attention. to laugh at her punches in the air would have been terribly detrimental. One of the guys got up and asked if he could do the punches too, and if she could beat him at karate. She loved it. But she felt as if we took her very seriously.
It's not that children aren't adorable- they are. but they will not listen to us unless they feel that we take their karate practice, ballet lessons, and the butterfly they found outside as very serious things indeed.

I get the feeling had Jesus seen her practicing her Karate, he would have watched and encouraged her with great enthusiasm. Just as he encourages all of us with our little triumphs and failures every day, whether we are 8 or 80.

Friday, July 15, 2011


let's be sailors. let's get on a boat

so big it swallows up my mind. stand on the bow of a steady hand

with a dip and a wave and a toss of a spray and a wish that won't be denied

i'll ride the wind to the nearest dream and give my heart to the sky.

oh let's be sailors.

the sea doesn't remember me.

and the land has such cold cut memories

ancient trees whisper my history

and somebody home is telling

my story with a shake of a head

so cold, so choking in it's clarity.

let's be sailors.

with a sail so full it fills up my soul. like the wind on a cloudy day.

fill up my eyes with horizon till there's no room for tears.

let's be sailors. with nothing but good plain honest fears.

to pray to God when storms arise, a cry and a desperate plea.

oh if i were a sailor, and my heart knew only the sea.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

как те прекрасен

Sitting on my kitchen floor in the corner for some reason. the angle is interesting here. everything looks yellow and warm. I can't tell if my dog has high pitched barks or the hiccups, so i gave her peanut butter, which has solved the problem regardless. I wonder if she's thirsty?
Vacation Bible School is over, and I can say that the biggest project I've ever undertaken was a success. 130 kids, countless volunteers and many nights up till 1 am with Karen making name tags and organizing crew bags. I've been asked so many times how glad i am that it's over.
but really, there's nothing else i can see myself doing. Nothing else i'd rather do.
I've never felt so filled with purpose. my job has consumed me. I have fallen in love with these kids.
So i'm headlong into the next project. and I'm pumped. It's weird how your dreams can find you when you least expect them.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Reflections on being a Searcy

When I tell dad I don't have time for lunch break because I'm up to my ears in VBS, he brings me lunch.
This pack lunch included a pita pocket with ham and cheese
sliced tomatoes and cucumbers in olive oil (AMAZING)
dried cherries, almonds and sunflower seeds
and fresh picked organic blackberries.

that is all

Thursday, May 19, 2011

we got this whole tourist thing down.

judas priest! he's fast!

"Just so you know i'm blogging all of this." me
"I'm just not gonna talk." mom

well it's been another glorious adventure with the Searcy's here at Hilton Head Island. A place that makes fairhope look lower class. As we've been going along, i've managed to write down a few of my favorite quotes. Here they are:

"What are we doing on this trip?"
building a campfire on the beach.
"isn't that illegal?"
yeah but Liam is a boyscout

Liam looking for things on the scavenger hunt: Where's the sheet music?
mom: i'm not getting it out right now
Liam: aw. i was looking for a bridge.

"you watch that show too!'
yeah but we don't have to TiVo every episode of america's funniest home videos.

During the car trip up, Jordy confessed to us that one time, around the age of 8, he snuck into the teacher snack room at vacation bible school and ate an entire huge bowl of icing and never told anyone. at the age of 17, he's finally coming clean.

Also, some of the finer points of the trip include:

we managed to get lost in the woods for three hours. that was exciting.
we also saw savannah, and i have now learned that the next time i want to pose as a SCAD student i shall be wearing plaid and jeans and riding a bike. my backpack fits in though.
we are watching the TV version of the matrix right now and the substituted language for one of the explicits was "Judas Priest!" if you don't know who they are, i encourage you to look it up. then imagine hearing it in the matrix.


Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Twitter Etiquette

The "don'ts" of Twitter

1. Ex-Boyfriend/Ex-Girlfriend Tweets

We don't want to hear you vent. Twitter may give you the illusion that you are free to speak your mind. You are, but nobody apreciates slander or desperate pleas for attention. Sad but true. When you want to tweet, JOURNAL.

2. Inside Joke Tweets

If you're the only person who can understand your tweet, then don't post it. Instead, join the conversation that happens when people understand what you're saying.

3. Potty Humor Tweets

Especially annoying in girls. Please guys, talking about your underwear stopped being cool in the third grade.

4. Excessive Celebrity Shoutout Tweets

There's nothing wrong in telling your hero they rocked at the concert, or asking them a genuine question. Most Artists are very happy to join in intelligent conversation and you may even be surprized when they respond!
However, tweeting "OMG U ROCK @joejonas!!!!!" 40 times a day is not going to help you gain followers or gain respect from your hero, either.

5. Location tweets
tweeting "i'm at the store. alone." is pointless. just be honest. tweet "i have no friends and i want someone to hang out with me. #desperation."

6.lyric tweets
Now we enter a set of tweets that are delicate. when used correctly, the lyrictweet and the hashtag are beautiful creative things. However, when abused, they send your followers into an irritated fit that will probably cause you to lose followers. let me break it down for you:
DON'T: tweet lyrics when you're experiencing a break up
DONT: tweet lyrics more than once a day
DON'T: tweet lyrics every day.
DON'T tweet lyrics as codes for your emotions. it annoys us, we are smart, we know what you mean and who you're mad at.

7. #uselesshashtagtweets
hashtags are glorious, beautiful gifts to the world. if you don't know how to use the hashtag, quit that. don't abuse the power of the hashtag.

8. Emotion tweets.
"i'm so in love with you."
"i guess i can't do anything right"

enough said.

Twitter is a wonderful way to share information and engage in conversation. Be mindful of the other people around you. Be aware that you have something importaint to contribute to the conversation, and don't let pointless words obstruct the importaint ones.

oh, and follow me, @mallyrenee

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Puppy Love

James sang wonderfully, i got to wear a beautiful dress and the Boykins brought COOKIES. job well done. such a great conclusion to my freshman year.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Major Switch. (get it, because i switched my major and it's a major switch in my life)

Here it is folks. Straight from the horses mouth. Mallory Searcy is Majoring in worship leadership and minoring in theater. Still have to make a meeting with Mr. Earnest to make it official, however, it is true. i am resolved.

I arrived at this decision the same way that i arrived at the decision to be at the university of mobile. the same way i realized that i would go to Russia this summer.
I woke up one day, and realized i'd been running from a decision for a long time and i knew exactly what i had to do.
I adore theater. I absolutely adore it. I want it to always be a part of my life.
But i cant ignore the part of me that has stumbled past my guitar on the way to my 8:00 class every morning thinking "one day, i'll play you... my sweet guitar..." or the part of me that misses being a part of a Jesus community.
With parents in full time ministry since before i was born, I've grown up within those proverbial church walls. Crawled under pews during services, sang solos in the Christmas play... filled in for sunday school teachers, etc. I've seen a lot of amazing things come out of the church. I've been there when everything in the world was waiting for just that moment. and the sky was exploding in color and the grass was green and everything smelled alive and like community and the big togetherness of what happens when people love God and God loves them and they all get together and talk about it. when people fall in love with God and act like they're engaged. "well yesterday God said this... and last week i told God that... " It's like newly weds and people are just practically gushing with love. The kind of love that makes you giggle and feel very solemn all at once.
I've seen the green great aliveness of God and people together that is the Church.
But the church has not always been kind to me.
I've seen the backstabbing, I've seen the false prophets and I have wished that Jeremiah was still around to talk about it. I've had lies spoken over me in the name of Jesus Christ and i've watched marriages break, family structures collapse, money stole, abuse, fear, control etc. I've seen what happens when the people of God believe a lie and are caught in their pride.
And it hurts worse when we remember the Big aliveness of God community. Because we long for, we know what it should be like.
And so i go into my Worship Leadership major, having no idea what God has in store for me, only that he's called me to write and sing and ocasionally direct musicals and be in musicals and sing some more and play my ukulele and be a part of this big wonderful community that is His Church and His Bride.
all i have to say is, Amen to this big adventure.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Ethics in Performing Arts (or) Socrates and Dating Violence.

It's very interesting to me that since i've been in my Ethics in Performing Arts class, I have been faced with more ethical decisions in my life than before. If maybe not "more" certainly ones where the lines are blurry.

James and I performed a scene for 16,000 highschoolers today on Dating Violence. We were with an organization that basically makes itself a safe haven for victims of sexual and physical abuse. Our scene was real. We edited it and took out all the strongest language, and we made it more "highschool". We even took out their names and used our own names and our own best friends. Let's just say it was highly intense. Because the truth is, even without doing any stage combat, (ie- he never actually hit me) it's a scary subject. and it happens. The schools we went to have reported cases, kids who were probably sitting in the room.

And it was amazing, moving, crazy hard work and good. we came back an hour later found out... we were in trouble. A pastor had been at the assembly and found out that we were from the university of mobile and that we had said words on stage like Hell and Crap and a few other "strong" words. He was furious.
I don't understand, really. Because now socrates(required reading for this Ethics class) is driving me crazy. He says that an action is wrong is wrong is wrong. But if it was wrong for me to say hell, was it not also "wrong" in the same sense for James's character to call my character fat? was it not also wrong for his character to be verbally abusive? I understand why the pastor was offended- because there are some things people should never do, even for art. I'm just not sure where i think that line is. I think that we were showing something beautiful- the fact that situations like the skit shows, are WRONG. They SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN. and if nobody speaks out, if nobody protests and let's other people know that those situations are real- aren't we doing a greater disservice to those kids?
I apologize for my strong language- i see now that it did more harm than good. and my intention was for good. i do not apologize for the skit- that reality needed to be spoken.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine's Day

Every Valentine's day my future/imaginary boyfriend breaks up with me, because I have no idea how to give gifts and the pressure to give presents stresses me out. No kidding.
Do guys like flowers?

Sunday, January 16, 2011


This is my new slang word. Hope it catches on:

(see also Vagueing, vaguer)
(n) That word or group of words which doesn't exactly answer a question but certainly leaves enough room either way to give the speaker a bailout and the listener hope for a bright future by their side.

You know that time, when you spent all day hanging out with that one girl and you thought you'd made a friend, she was really sweet right? and you seemed to have everything in common.
You: Let's go get coffee sometime!
Her: i love coffee!


the person or persons who tactfully avoid awkward rejections.

Him: we should get together and study for that test!
Her: Oh man, i almost never study.

Her's friend at study party: That girl is such vaguer.


The act of avoiding awkward situations

I told him the shirt was nice, which it WAS night, but i didn't like it, i was sorta vagueing.


Note: Her love for coffee is not implicitly stating that she would like to have coffee with you.
True story.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Stupid Kiwi (or) How to Stay Healthy in College

Avery and my personal experiences with that classic Fruit-for-breakfast-on-the-way-to-800-class Dilemma that we find ourselves in. I wonder why it is we try new things on the way to class?

The Attempts:

Strike One: Prepeel the Kiwi.
Outcome: Sticky Fail, can I be excused to wash my hands before I take this test? thanks.

Strike Two: Prepeel and SLICE the Kiwi. Bring spoon.
Outcome: Again with the Sticky fail (inadequate paper towl preparation) and now I have a spoon with me in every class.

Strike Three: Mangos. Turns out I'm allergic to the skin. I never knew this, because i never ate the skin until i was running to class.
Outcome: turns out permanent retainers are completely invisible unless you're trying to de-mango your mouth. This stuff turns into string when not properly sliced. lesson learned.

Conclusions on these attempts are as follows:
stick to granola bars and oranges. Stay away from the "dangerous" fruits.
That is all.

(inspired by the suffering of Avery on the way to class)