“Would you still talk to me if I was Lesbian?” He gave me a funny look, the shrugged
“No.” he responded
I looked up in surprise. Granted I wasn’t really surprised at his answer, but I had assumed he would say it a bit milder, that he would water it down or beat around the bush a little more.
“Really?” was the only thing I could think to say at the moment.
“Yeah I wouldn’t” he stated.
“Oh..” I said kinda softy. Somehow that mattered. I had no intention of being Lesbian, but that just mattered for some reason. It was quiet for a minute and he began to get defensive.
“Why do you think it’s so horrible that I can’t stand them?” he tensed up. But the fact that I wasn’t trying to defend a position, that I was just sitting there, made him keep going. “It’s a sin against God and the Bible.” he folded his arms in front of him and sat back waiting what I would say to refute THAT, with a superior look on his face.
“I know.” It was all I could think to say again. I do know it’s a sin. I wasn’t validating it. It just bothered me. I looked at my empty tea mug.
I looked up again and started talking about the movie, trivial things. I don’t remember what we actually said after that, I just remember that eventually I brought the subject back again.
“Would you talk to me if I drank everyday?”
“No.” He said simply. My curiosity was sparked.
“Would you talk to me if I did drugs?”
“No.” He shrugged again. I wracked my brain.
“What if I was really depressed and suicidal?”
“Yeah. I would.”
He said yes! I leaned forward in my chair.
“Why?” I threw out rapidly
“To talk you out of it.”
I was equally dissatisfied.
“Oh.” But why could he talk me out of suicide but not drinking? Or being Lesbian? Or whatever? Why is it that he would pull away from one sin and not either every sin or none of them? And why on earth could I somehow not get those words to come out of my mouth? “Oh” I said again.
“I don’t understand what your problem is Mallory”
“Yeah…” I started to change the subject, avoid the fact that this conversation was now turning around to be about me.
“I was just wondering.” I am still wondering. I think maybe Jesus would be very very upset if I started drinking or wasn’t straight, but I don’t think stop talking to me…