Thursday, September 9, 2010

What I didn't expect about College

I didn't expect to have so much focus on me. Really, when i think about it. Homeschooling focuses on a close nit community. I forgot that being out here on my own would mean that most things i do revolve around me. I study, my classes, my songs, my monologue. I think it's driving me crazy. I'm starting to crave the moments when things become bigger than myself. Or when i'm with my brothers it's not about ME, it's about all of us.
I think I should get involved with an organization or something, something to make everything i do not be about my grades and future as an actor. The SELF-ness of theatre is draining.
I had a very long discussion with my buddy Jordan about the self-ness of college. And we started talking about our friend Christin. (she, by the way, has no idea i'm blogging about her)
If there's one person who isn't selfish at all, it's Christin. Everyone loves her. Everyone. You can't not love her. and Jordan and i think part of that is because she's not thinking about herself all the time. actually hardly ever is she thinking about herself. I mean, the girl prayed for me in acting class. I think I'd really like to be that way. (again, all of this is coming from the discussion me and Jordan had) I think maybe when you forget to be conscious of yourself, you also become alot less stressed about your schoolwork, about getting places on time. I mean, you get there, you make good grades, but you're not worried all the time. Your life doesn't revolve around yourself.
I'm still praying for that, trying to become the kind of person who can do the best possible and yet the whole time be so completely unaware of themselves.

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